David L. Harrison hosts several ideas for writing poetry on his website, including the Word of the Month. This month the W.O.M is 'train'. When I sat to write, I thought I would write about my husband's father who was a Union Pacific engineer and told many stories about his travels. However, the pencil traveled to a different story/memory. Then, for last week's Poetry Friday, Jeannine Atkins wrote a beautifully inspiring post she termed "deepening", about revising one's poems. It helped me do a little more with the poem. If you missed Jeannine's post, return to read! I'm not sure it's finished yet, but it is a poem I enjoyed writing, will enjoy sharing it.
One
Moment
I ran with my husband,
late for the train
across platforms and tracks.
Engines hissed,
bumbled and buzzed, and we stumbled
in and out of shadows.
The engine roared,
so loud I startled.
We watched the train pull forward.
Click, clack, click, clack!
Click, clack, click, clack!
We ran faster.
My new husband whistled.
The conductor looked out,
and pulled a lever.
Wheels screeched,
slowed,
stopped.
I wondered at the whistle’s power,
yet even more,
I marveled at this skill,
unknown to me.
And then grabbed the arm
of the mysterious man
I called my husband.
Linda
Baie © All Rights Reserved
photo credit: Takeshi
Garcia via photopin cc
32 comments:
Hi Linda, I always love your poems - filled with energy and bursting with memories laced with nostalgia. I love trains. I love journeys. Thank you for sharing this snapshot down memory lane with us. It made me smile today.
Linda-
Love this image, especially the last few lines, starting with "I wondered at the whistle's power…"! And you made me wonder if I might have some train poems waiting to be written….
Linda, you've captured such a great moment in your poem, and I too loved Jeannine's post. Love where these things brought you in your writing. Keep going! xo
Thank you Myra. I've had a few train journeys through the years and they were always fun.
Thank you, Carol. I hope you do write some!
Thanks, Irene. It was an interesting poem to work with, and I will keep on!
This is a great poem,Linda. I think each time you write a poem I like it better than the last. I love all the emotions and images this poem brings--especially that learning that takes place early in your marriage....
Hi, Linda. Last weekend was our 22nd anniversary. Your poem totally captures how I felt at the beginning of our marriage -- like I was embarking on a journey with someone who (after 6 years together) felt new to me. Beautiful poem.
All these images and the loving gaze I imagined between newlyweds was wonderful. Beautiful piece Linda.
It really was a surprise when this memory appeared-hadn't thought about that time in years! Thanks, Deb!
Thank you, Laura. It was a mystery, wasn't it? You're so right.
Thanks Betsy, new relationships are all about the mystery aren't they? And that's a good thing!
Wonderful poem, Linda -- love the moment of recognition at the end. I've always liked the romance of trains, so this poem about you as a newlywed was twice as nice. Felt like I was right there :) . . .
Thank you Jama. They are so romantic, aren't they? Lots of past movie scenes come to mind!
Striking poem, Linda. I was surprised when I came to the second stanza to read the phrase "new husband." That turned out to be pivotal to this poem. Thanks so much for sharing!
Thanks Carmela. It was rather surprising to me when I finally thought through why I was writing this memory, a surprise, which I guess all newlyweds have with one thing or another. And not always so pleasant!
You captured those frantic feelings of running late and mixed in a new marriage, quite a twist.
Thanks Margaret. I'm glad "it" arrived & I captured the moment!
Wonderful! What a great memory, that time when "husband" and "mysterious" go together.
Linda,
I love all the layers you've built into this poem. Well done.
Thanks Ruth. Wouldn't it be interesting to ask others what circumstance made that happen?
Thank you, Joy. As I wrote above, it was a pleasure to write.
I love this post, Linda! I missed Jeannine's post last week and I'm glad you directed me to it. So much wisdom. And your poem! The last two lines are perfect. I can picture the look on your face as you began you and your husband began your journey together. Thanks so much for sharing.
Catherine
Wonderful poem! I love the rhythm and urgency, and the ending is perfect. What a lovely memory!
What a wonderful moment, Linda. Beautifully captured. I missed reading the roundup last Friday. Must go back and read Jeannine's.
Thanks Catherine. So happy to send you to Jeannine's poetry post! Have a great weekend!
Thank you Iza. It was a pleasure to do.
Thanks Doraine-hope you'll enjoy reading it!
What a fabulous memory, captured so eloquently!
Your vivid poem reminds me of when my husband and I, also new in our relationship, traveled around Switzerland by train. You capture the breathless romance beautifully. Thank you for bringing back those wonderful memories for me, Linda.
Thanks Mary Lee.
Wow-it would be great to write about some of those Michelle-what a lovely time you must have had! Thank you!
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