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A few weeks ago, Violet Nesdoly posted an original poem here that she wrote about lightning. It is a beautiful poem, written in the structure that she called an extended haiku. I was intrigued by it, and have fussed over several tries, but just couldn't seem to find the right topic, I suppose. It wasn't easy, and I am not claiming to be close to the poetic craft that Violet shows, but I did find a story to tell and thought I'd like to share it, and give lots of credit to Violet, too. Thank you Violet!
This is what Violet wrote about the extended haiku: what’s happening here is that each word in the original haiku becomes the beginning word in successive haiku. It’s a fun challenge.
A Little Story
Grey
splash contrasts with
grass
green. I’m peering closer,
see
the feathers spread.
Grey
bird, where are you?
Straying
too close to danger?
Giving
up your life?
Splash
of feathers there-
pieces
only of your tale.
Contrasts
summon eyes
toward
another splashing scene,
birds
bathe in puddles,
without
knowing when
to
stop, they’re chirping, peeping,
happy
for the wet.
Grass
cushions the last
parts
of your life-delicate
quills,
all small, like you.
Green
grows the grassy
hillock, where you met your end.
Here,
a meal, alas.
I’m
sad for feathers
grey,
yet strewn, no longer flying.
They
remain quiet.
Peering
one more time-
try
a story to explain.
I
am caught myself
closer
to answer.
Spotted
black furry feline
slips
behind my leg.
See
how she comforts
with
sidling body, slipping
through
legs that tremble.
The
reasoning done
is
easy: cats need a meal
and
birds fluttering
feathers
are road signs.
To
come to dinner-stop here!
You
must have patience.
Spread
the word to find
a
cat that ignores the birds
for
happily ev…
I’m excited to travel back to Missouri with my daughter and my granddaughters to visit family next week. I’m going to take a break from blogging until August. See you then!
32 comments:
Clever, Linda! So well done.
Some of my favorite lines:
I’m sad for feathers
grey, yet strewn, no longer flying.
They remain quiet.
and
feathers are road signs.
To come to dinner-stop here!
Now have a happy summer break with your granddaughters, and come back refreshed!
Lovely and sad, Linda. I like it a lot. How nice to take a form Violet used and run with it! Have a good break. We'll miss you!
Violet's extended haiku sounds really fun, Linda! I love your poem, and Emyan's photo is stunning. Each verse is beautiful but these are two of my faves:
Grass cushions the last
parts of your life-delicate
quills, all small, like you.
[...]
Spread the word to find
a cat that ignores the birds
for happily ev…
Love the anticlimax in that last line. Thank you for sharing your lovely work. Enjoy your vacation and safe travels, Linda!! :)
Thanks for sharing your thoughtful observations and lovely language, Linda. Fats and Violet "took" my favorite lines - really love "delicate/quills, all small, like you" and that unexpected ending. I really, really love this dance of poetic inspiration from one mind to another!
Safe and Happy Travels - :0)
Thank you Violet. I was really inspired by your work! And I am looking forward to the trip-fun awaits!
Thank you Tabatha. It seemed immediately to cry out for a story, & then I thought of Violet's structured haiku.
Thanks, Fats, I appreciate the words. Perhaps you'll give it a try when the right story appears!
I find every one's post a delight, Robyn. Perhaps that's why we should share more in the classroom, too. Thank you!
Hi Linda,
Loved reading this. Your words tell a beautiful, yet somewhat sad story. I am wondering about some possible metaphors...pieces of your tale, feathers strewn, no longer flying. I love so many lines of your extended haiku. What a clever poetry format, too. I may have to give it a try. Enjoy your time away. ~ Theresa
Wonderful! I am going to have to try one of these...
Theresa, thank you for the thoughtful words. I will re-look at the poem. It didn't occur to me, but perhaps... It was fun to take the challenge!
I loved doing, hope you do too, Ruth, & then share! I will be looking for another tale! Thanks!
Linda, that was awesome! I loved so many parts of it. The structure was intriguing...you know I'm going to have to try it, don't you?
BTW when you linked on Jone's page, you left off your link to your page.
Have a great July break!
Thanks for telling me about the link problem, and for the comment. I hope you do try it; it was fun, but challenging, similar to working with the words in a sestina. I just visited you, too! See you in August-hope Gull Haven is moving along!
What fun! Now you have me wanting to give this a try. I love the choice of photograph, too - so filled with possibilities which you mined to perfection. Well done, my friend! And...happy travels!
I love highly structured poems so I'm going to have to try that form at some point...
Your poems is really wonderful, Linda. It came out so well!
And, apparently, I can't even type my own name correctly today. *sigh*
You did it!! This remains on my to-try list in my poetry notebook...but maybe seeing this second example will give me the push to just give it a go!
I like how the story unfolds. I could feel my brain shift when I figured out it was only the feathers you were looking at in the beginning...the evidence of the bird's demise. Just like Violet's, if I didn't know about the form, I wouldn't be able to detect it -- it flows very naturally.
Good on 'ya!! Have fun in Missouri, and steer clear of the chiggers!!
Thank you Katya. I hope you do try it-much to consider, but it was fun to do.
Thanks Mary Lee. I hope you'll share when you do write! As I said above, it was quite the challenge, but I'm glad to have given it a try. I am looking forward to the trip, but not those chiggers, minuscule little things that give a big bite!
Wow, Linda, I am very impressed! I love this story and the language and the flow and the tone and the...everything. Really lovely. Well done, you! Now I want to try one, though it does look challenging.
Thank you, Renee. I appreciate the compliment. It was fun!
It's okay, I hoped that you were you, anyway!!
I hope you'll try it, Tara. Lots of fun, & challenge with the word expectations.
I really like "here, a meal, alas."
Thanks LIz.
This flows so beautifully. It's very inspiring.
Happy travels to you and your family as you drive east towards MO. See you in August!
Wow -- it's lovely, and what a challenging form! You've got me wanting to try it.
Thanks! On our way!
Thanks hope you do!
I love these lines:
"I’m sad for feathers
grey, yet strewn, no longer flying.
They remain quiet." - how very poignant. Fills the heart.
Enjoy your vacation, Linda!
This is a form I want to try! I was just mailing your poem in the Summer Poetry Exchange yesterday. So sorry to be so late! I saw the news today about the tragic shooting in CO and I am thinking of you today. God help us.
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